The Perceptual Process

Advisory. Rated M for mature. Some language.

The process of perception. I am studying physiology this summer. It teaches, among other things, about the process that leads to creation of memory, interpretation and analysis of the environment and its processes. It seems to me that the ability to "categorize" things, and to associate things and people with an expected behavior - profiling - has its foundation in the way our brains work. It is a useful function and helps us to deal with our world. When you see a small car, you immediately associate it with slow acceleration and great gas mileage.
Our brains are great at putting things in "boxes" for us. The trouble is that it doesn't work so great with people. I have read some of the posts on the perceptual process on the 2110 blog, and I see we're all in the same boat. We all have this innate "knee-jerk" response of our brains to bring to mind what it is we're likely dealing with when we see someone who looks a certain way. Or behaves a certain way. I have a more recent example, this kind of thing still happens to me even though I like to think of myself as more "immune" to this - that I give people the "benefit of the doubt" and not come to a premature, incorrect, evaluation.
In 2013, I was still active duty in the military. I worked as a medic in the clinic that was organic (permanent part of) a rifle battalion. Where ever this battalion would go, we would go, doctor and medics and all. In the spring of 2013, our team of medics was joined by another sailor. He's a cool guy and all, motivated, great work ethic and all that. He had joined us from another unit and had already deployed once. He had a tattoo, a large tattoo on his chest, which he wasn't afraid to tell people about, though he didn't go around boasting about it. He also would swear like a sailor, that's shit, stupid shit, he's an asshole, stupid motherfuckers, you get the idea. He fit right in with the group. He's the most conservative true blue Mormon guy I have ever met. He is more active in the church and more passionate about his membership in the LDS church than I ever was. He is married to a lovely lady whom he married in the temple. He has two children and is a very devoted father. He has served a mission, honorably. I would have never guessed simply from his behavior, I guess you could say that he pulled a chameleon on me.
My interpretations were off and I evaluated wrong, I simply evaluated based on the appearances. Of course this is a more complicated and tricky case. Of course as I got to know him better, and we engaged in conversation, the picture became clear and my thinking adjusted accordingly.

This "knee-jerk" response from our brains is always there, though I believe it is constantly being adjusted as we gain more experience. It is the "natural response", but we have to actively and consciously decide that we aren't satisfied with the one-size-fits-all template our brain serves us. I catch myself thinking about an old guy holding up a cardboard sign, "he's probably an alcoholic." I don't know that. I don't know anything.
I know it's better to give the "benefit of the doubt" until I know more.

Authentic Self

My Authentic Self. What is that? What are we talking about there?
It is constantly changing, evolving I think. I could set out on an assignment and give myself the task of self-observation, let's say, for a year. I could summarize all my findings about myself into a huge collection, organized into different categories. I'm sure that a lot of stuff would come together. And yet, I would probably be revising things here and there, replacing some information with new information, and striking out others. Much of what we do is habitual - we are creatures of habits - I believe can be changed if we focus on it and apply an effective strategy. It can come down to a choice.
There are some behaviors I have that I'd like to change, and I know I could change them, if I just work hard at them.  These redundant or self-annoying types of actions, like picking one's nose or letting trash pile up in the house or procrastinating school work - you just need to get embarrassed or frustrated enough about them to want to change them -
Our ways of thinking - patterns of thought - are also habitually governed things. The "knee-jerk" kind of thinking I default to is harder to change, because they are more deeply entrenched, and people don't know my thoughts... In simpler words, I have found that I hate catching myself assuming something about another person.. and have to remind myself that I don't know all the facts. I like giving people the benefit of the doubt.

But what about the my personality? The Authentic Self is deeper than your behaviors and patterns of thinking. Is there something about my *true* person that I don't like? That needs changing? Do I love enough? Do I care enough? Am I attentive and notice a need or do I walk past, minding my own thoughts? I want to think I have lots of ~positive~ traits and that I'm a great guy to have around.
I was married for three years. Almost to the day. We decided to get married because, we're basically both good people, knowing that fact about each other, and we were physically attracted to each other. We hadn't dated long. Less than three months. So, the second year, we got to know each other *much* more. As the difficulties of life mounted, we got to observe each others' responses to the pressures and challenges. And we didn't like what we saw. My former spouse's background was one of much hardship, suffice it to say that she was forced to be an adult much too early - when she was a preteen she had to wash her own clothes and as a 14 year old she ran the household. Highly intelligent, hard working and ambitious, excelling in all her academics.
Contrast myself, laid back, cool cat, take my time approach. I'm a stress and conflict avoiding type of personality, and here is this girl who wants to take everything head on and is basically constantly working to have things come out favorably. Talk about clashing personalities!
My approach - to take everything one day at a time and to worry about a problem when it arises was in stark contrast to hers to plan far things ahead of time, and to avoid all the pitfalls.
I tell you, when you deal with challenges and difficulties, her approach worked much better and I had a lot of learning to do. Our situation back then was a myriad of challenges, I was working full time for $10/hour, she was going to school for her law degree while being pregnant, and the income was simply insufficient.. debt was mounting, and on top of that, my mother was dying of cancer in the last stage.

SO, I got a lot of input about myself from the BLIND pane, to be shifted over into the known/known. I gave her some, too, but in the light of the fact that her practical approach to life worked so much better, my "criticisms" held little validity in comparison. She could be very intense at times, and while I could see that it was necessary to stay on top of things, I felt bad for her - she was constantly feeling stressed, and was tense in her body. Don't get me wrong, I still love this lady very much and we have forgiven one another, and we are friends now. I am grateful for the experience, without a doubt I learned much from it. I don't know if she ever learned to stop worrying so much and to just let things come as they may. But we do wish each other much success.
My only regret is that I have not better understood, as I do now, to be attentive and let the good "core traits" shine forth, in the midst of all pressure and difficulty. Back in those days, I allowed circumstances to dictate how I felt and to give me a sense of what I was capable of on an interpersonal level.
And I have learned a thing or two about faith since then.

Introduction

This is my first attempt at a blog. I've always had an interest in starting one but have not taken the time to learn how, so this is perfect. Short thing about me. I'm a (former) national of Germany. I have left the country in 1998 on my own volition, and for no other reason than to experience a different culture, and to expand my horizon. My mother married an American citizen and subsequently, my three siblings and I were offered what is commonly known as a "green card". I thought, why not. Much has happened since the spring of 1998, when I first arrived on the terminal of the John F. Kennedy International airport.
Not unlike my decision to go live and work in the United States, I am not quite sure what I have gotten myself into when I signed up for this course but I am excited to begin and I look forward to it!